Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
