Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
