Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
