ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't turn off my feet"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
