I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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