This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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