The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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