so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
