From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
