Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
