i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
