i don't like sucking hair
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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