Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
