go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
