I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
