You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
thus making me awesome and them whores
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
