Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
