Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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