She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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