he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize