I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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