she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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