Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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