apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
