did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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