he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
