Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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