I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
