I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
