Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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