he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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