It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
