haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
