i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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