I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
