That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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