toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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