3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
