just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
