Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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