I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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