i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
