sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
