i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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