Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
