So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
