I'm really into asian looking animals
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Let's get the cat blown out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize