based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
