I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
