At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
