All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He shit in the fireplace
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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