I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
