Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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