Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
