she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dignity is for republicans.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
