she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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