the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My vagina is very pro this idea
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
