She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
