I hate all girls vehemently.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
