just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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