I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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