My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
