Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
